Well I am about to write about my biggest insecurity EVER and when I say big i mean this is what stops me from doing a lot of things…. this is what stops me from being confident… this is something that affects me everyday some days more than others but it is still a major thing that affects my life…….
So what is it you ask??
Well like every teenager growing up I suffered with acne.. I went to a dermatologist and got creams and tablets and that helped to clear it up… but what it left me with is scars… acne scars that taunt me every time I look in the mirror…. scars that bring me to tears and make me doubt that I could ever be pretty with such horrible marks on my face… scars that stop me from being who I am or who I could be.
I am now 23 and I have had these scars for many many years now, my mum always tells me that I am pretty and that the scars are not that bad, but when they are not on you someone will always say that they are not too bad. And as for my friends.. what do they think?? Well they have never seen me without my make up! Yep that’s right I cover them up and I don’t let anyone see them.. I have never left the house without make up and un til they are gone I highly doubt that I ever will… and to me that’s sad, I mean I can’t just wake up and go to the shops or go see a friend, I always have to plan my day and say ok I have to leave at this time so I need a certain amount of time to get ready and do my make up and then I can go!
A few years ago I decided to do something about my scars, I invested in a treatment called Microdermabrasion something that will help to remove the layers of skin to reveal new fresher layers of new skin. I did this treatment a few times and from there I progressed to the next stage called “Needling” where they literally roll needles over your face (ouch!). Out of all these treatments I would have spent around $2,000.00 to try to improve my skin and let me tell you it did work! It went from being nasty red/purple scars to a pale red which was a major improvement for me and I was ecstatic… but of course there had to be a problem… I was finishing up at my job and would no longer have the fund to support the treatments, so for many years I went without treatment and along with new acne brought new scars and I swear I feel like I am back to where I started ( I know there not as bad as they used to be but it still feels bad to me).
Whilst studying a beauty course I heard about a new treatment called Laser Genesis one that is a lot better than Microdermabrasion because the technology they use is far greater. As soon as I heard about this treatment I instantly wanted to try it, but unfortunately money was brought into play again and since I was only working a few hours a week I could not afford even the consultation fee 😦
Let me tell you the good news now 🙂 I have been working full-time for a few months now and have managed to save up a bit of money to finally get the treatment done and next Tuesday I luckily have my first appointment for a consultation with a Doctor who is meant to be one of the greatest in his field, from that consultation I hope that he will advise me that I am a good candidate for the treatment and can finally start the process to rid the ugly things that have been plaguing me for years!
I am hoping that once the treatment is complete I will be brave enough to go down the street with no make up…. brave enough to go to the beach and jump in the water…brave enough to look myself in the mirror and say…. You are Beautiful