The Battle within your Mind

Battle Quote

It’s a battle some people face every day, sometimes without anyone knowing. Its something people are afraid to talk about as they don’t want to be judged by others. Its something that affects more than 3 Million Australians each year… something I know about.. something I don’t like talking about, but affects me everyday, makes me fight with myself… within myself, battling day-to-day ………

What am I talking about?? I’m talking about Depression, something many people will try to avoid if the subject comes up. But you know what the problem is, too many people around the world suffer from this illness whether it be only minor or major. It’s about time we started talking about this more openly, about time we helped those in need instead of them suffering in silence because they are too afraid to come out and say to the world what it is that is affecting them….

I was afraid…. I wont be afraid anymore… I suffer from Depression… I have for many years and I struggle day-to-day with simple things and in this post I am going to talk about the struggles I face to give people the understanding of what it can be like to suffer from this illness.

Depression is not something that you can generally get rid off, it is with you for life.. you can have good days and bad days though and some people with the help of medications will be able to have more good days than bad.

Yesterday I had a bad day….. It was my dads birthday and it should have been a wonderful day of celebration and even though i knew that, even though my family and my partner were all going to be there I could not help but feel like utter sh*t. And the thing is I do not know why… this is the thing with Depression, sometimes you just feel like crap and there is no explanation.. everything around you is going so well yet you cant help but feel this way. I was so happy to see my family yet when I got home all I could think of was oh great now I have to put on a fake smile and act all happy which is mentally draining trying to control your emotions and hide the fact that all you want to do is curl up in the foetal position and cry…..

I walked into the house right on 12 being the last one there and my mother say “where are you” (as in why am I late, I am never late) all I wanted to do was be rude and obnoxious saying ‘hello im right fu**ing here” but I knew that would be wrong so instead I made it a joke, stuck my hand in the air like I was in primary school saying ‘im here, im here!’ After that Dad wanted me to help him sync up his Iphone 5, laptop and his new Ipad and fix up a few things for him. I don’t mind helping out my dad but honestly half the time I am guessing what I am doing and then when it doesn’t work I am not very happy… Things where not going right and I was trying to calmly tell him that I had no idea why it was not working but I realised it did not come out calmly when my boyfriend tells me to stop sounding like I am sooking. All through the day apparently I sounded like I was sooking and I honestly just wanted to jump on my old bed and ball my eyes out… I knew my boyfriend was slightly annoyed (he hates when I sook) so I cuddled up to him trying to be all cute as the last thing I needed wa the person I love to be annoyed with me and not be able to help me through things later.

Once everyone left and it was just my parents and myself (my parents fell asleep) I was back to ‘normal’ I was happy, I was watching my shows and it was like nothing ever happened….. like a switch had flipped and that’s what its like when you have depression, like a flip inside of you being switched on and of constantly and you don’t know why, you don’t know why you fell like crap.. why your mind is making you so sad…..

This is only a glimpse of what happens..  this was one day in my life… one day in the life of someone who suffers from Depression…

If you need help please go to this website Beyond Blue.. they can help…

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